A Love Story.

http://armywife-style.com/2015/02/love-story-link-up

A love story. Of course. It’s February, you guys!! The month of all things LOVE!!! So, in honor of the Hallmark holiday I am participating in a Love Story Link Up.

When the topic first came up to do a blog link up with the shared theme of a love story, I initially got a bit of a lump in my throat.

What in the world do I have to share about love? If you take a quick inventory of my love life . . . it may appear I am a tad unlucky in love. Two divorces and an infinite library of dating disasters – all by the age of 34 . . . I obviously don’t have the best track record.

And what single girl seriously ever has anything positive to say or add around Valentine’s Day? I mean . . . I never did . . .

Yet, when I sat down to brainstorm on what I might have to say on love this year – I found my heart is overflowing and my soul is happy and I have quite a lot to say on the matter after all.

I mean, just because I don’t have the standard “girl meets boy” story that ends with a couple living happily ever after to share today, doesn’t mean I don’t have a love story to share at all!

So, I’d be honored for you to pull up a chair, grab a cup of tea and a cookie (or 10, I won’t judge) and join me for my love story . .  .

* * *

Once upon a time, a girl met a boy.

(And you thought it wasn’t that kind of story . . .)

The kind of boy that comes along and makes you want to be the best version of yourself that you ever could be. That unlocks a space in your heart you never knew existed. That makes you fearless. Strong. Like you’ll never, ever look at the world in the same way again.

The boy? Well, I’m referring to my baby boy, Charlie, of course.

(Seriously, did you think I was really talking about anyone BUT my baby boy? But bear with me, it’s not a super lame-o mom post, I promise.)

The love I have for Charlie grows exponentially each and every day. I look at him and he can give me his cheesy little grin and tears of joy spring to my eyes. I would jump in front of a truck for my baby. I would move mountains . . . I would [insert every single cliche about motherhood here].

Yet, what I didn’t anticipate?

Loving Charlie made me realize I needed to love myself, too.

The past nine month’s of Charlie’s life have had their fair share of challenges . . . the surprise preemie factor, the NICU stay . . . then my marriage ending when Charlie was three months old. Charlie was a high maintenance baby in the early months (he is still a feisty one), and I am left to live alone in a large house that represents a family that will never be, complete with two dogs and a cat where it feels like some creature is always in need of something from me.

On top of that, I spent a long time after S left convinced that life would never contain anything I wanted again, aside from being Charlie’s mom. I thought my only joy would come from Charlie and beyond that I’d have no personal hopes and dreams. I mean, I had everything pinned on being a wife and a stay-at-home-mom. I didn’t WANT to be anything else. And here, I am faced with the reality I have to be.

And oh how I hated myself. Hated myself for landing in this situation, for not being able to provide an intact home for Charlie. For all the blame I put on S for being the one to initiate the separation, I blamed 100 more things on myself for driving him to his decision.

But, then I’d look down at my little baby’s face and know that he was depending on me for so much more than to just simply love him. While love is a great start, love is not enough. He needs me to show him and to teach him how to love and to dream and to find happiness from within. That requires I am a whole, happy and healthy mom myself.

And I can’t be any of those things for Charlie, or more importantly for me, if I don’t even like myself or am busy blaming myself for things that I can no longer change or control.

So, I made the decision to forgive myself.

I might have a trail of failed marriages and relationships in my wake . . . but I’ll be damned if the relationship I have with myself is one of them.

By loving and treating myself with patience and grace . . . by being committed to discovering and pursuing those things that make me happy . . . by striving to be the best person I know how to be for my son to model after . . . those are the things a true love story is built on.

And the cherry on top? I know by loving myself and living my life in that way that I will someday attract a like-minded person . . . and then I will have yet another sweet love story to add to the novel I am already creating on my own.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. Oscar Wilde

Comments

  1. I love this. You are such an amazing person and you deserve to be loved – especially by yourself! I am in awe of your resilience to all that life has handed you.

  2. loving yourself is the best kind of love! if you love yourself, others will too. and every day with these little tiny people is a love story in and of itself.

  3. LOVE this! You are inspiring!!

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