and down came the rain

The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.  ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

(When I was younger, whenever I would say something and accidentally rhyme, my grandmother would say, “You’re a poet and you didn’t know it, but your feet show it . . . . because they are Longfellow’s!” Always cracked me up. Anyway . . . )

It’s a Thursday evening and I am sitting on my couch, in my quiet apartment, listening to the rain pour down and down and down. It’s soothing and comforting and my only hope right now is that it rains all night long. Watching the sky weep its steady downpour makes me feel better for all the crying I’ve done this week. It reminds me crying is not always such a bad thing. Like the rain cleanses the Earth, I feel like my tears have been working to cleanse my spirit.

I’ve gone through about every emotion possible this week as I have tried to sort through why the break-up with S hurt so incredibly and surprisingly bad. I spent the past several days sounding like a broken record to friends (“But, why doesn’t he looovvveee me?!?!?”), until I didn’t even sound like myself anymore.

I finally woke up today and told myself: Enough is Enough.

My moment of clarity came after a brief email exchange with S yesterday over the only order of business we had to unravel after our short affair – a Netflix DVD.

Last night, thinking back on the exchange, I just started laughing out loud.

It was the final dose of perspective I needed, realizing I was melting down at epic levels, contemplating throwing away our friendship, every great memory, every great experience we have shared . . . all over a relationship that only left a Netflix movie behind.

I woke up today and I felt 95% better. I’m still bummed. I still have a bit of my wounded ego to nurse, but at least I am able to look at the whole situation and be thankful for the lessons learned. Be thankful it wasn’t bigger, wasn’t worse, be thankful we can still salvage our friendship. Because it’s worth it.

Everything happens for a reason and I think the purpose for all of this was to remind me to listen to my intuition and to realign my priorities.

I started this year convinced, convinced, I was going to meet the one . . . 2011 was my year. And I so badly wanted to make that S. Our relationship cropped up in such an unexpected manner and I took that to mean fate had finally delivered to my door everything I have been waiting for in life. Even when my gut was trying to tell me otherwise, telling me S wasn’t it and don’t go there, I thought it and went there anyway. I was hell bent on shutting my intuition up, blaming it for trying to take something away from me and make me unhappy.

But, my intuition has never once, seriously not once, led me astray. Not when I pause to give it the chance to speak and am patient enough to listen.

So, yes, enough is enough and the [pity] party’s over.

Tonight I’m still. I feel refreshed. I’m celebrating the fact that I am in a great place in my life right now. My path is still mine for the making. The rain is washing my slate clean and allowing me the opportunity to begin again.

Comments

  1. Alison- this was a beautiful post and so well said. I remember the first time I met you in that karaoke bar… when you got up and sang Ace of Base like you had no fears in the world- you sang it like you owned that bar. I remember leaving that night and thinking how I wanted you to be my friend- a confident, fun-loving woman. You ARE that woman- you’ve trumped over a lot of shit in the past two years and you have learned hard lessons, but most of all you’ve discovered what you really need from other relationships. Be so proud of yourself and keep on listening to that gut-reaction… never stopping to second-guess yourself.

    Love you so much,
    April

  2. I was on such a good no-tear streak until I read your comment :). April – thank you, those words mean so much to me – and thank you for always being there – for listening, for cheering me on, for always dishing great advise and never being afraid to tell me the truth – you are one of my besties and I’m so happy I got over my parallel parking fear for one night to trudge out alone to that bar, or I may have never met you!!!

    hugs and love,
    alison

  3. You’re a beautiful person inside and out and any man would be lucky to have you. Definitely trust your gut/intuition and see where life takes you. Good things are in store for you my friend!

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