bittersweet.

1be5ed211700963289b75dca56cfd929

Today is an incredibly bittersweet day. Pretty much as bittersweet as they come. Because, tomorrow everything changes. Again. And, serves as another life lesson to me that sometimes life doesn’t unfold in the ways we original want or think we’re entitled to. But, can still turn out pretty wonderful nevertheless.

Tomorrow I am starting a new job.

Bittersweet.

Bitter because today officially marks the end of my run as a stay-at-home-mom. That coveted job I so desperately wanted for so many years . . . yet a card that the universe just didn’t hold in its hands for me in the way I thought it did. I’m anxious about juggling it all – a full time job, Charlie, Carly, a house, a commute, a social life . . . it feels so overwhelming. There are just not enough hours in the day.

But, on the other hand, it’s sweet, because I really am so incredibly excited to go back to work. I landed the job I was looking for, with a company that I am super jazzed about . . . I seriously couldn’t have been luckier with the timing of how it all worked out. And, a little perk . . . I can’t wait to wear cute clothes every day . . . I overhauled my wardrobe and binged a little (ok, a lot) on fun new shoes. (I forgot how much I loved shoes.)

It’s such a conflicting feeling – all of this. For me, personally, I am so happy about this. Considering my family situation, I obviously HAVE to work, and if I have to work – this is what I want to do. Yet, for me as a mom . . . I just don’t know how I’ll do it. Obviously, I WILL do it and CAN do it . . . it’s just a transition. Charlie gets up at the crack of dawn, so trying to beat him awake in the morning to get ready is going to be exhausting until I find our groove.

I wish I could say I’ve spent my final days leading up to work soaking up my sweet Charlie, but I’ve instead spent the last 10 days frantically trying to get my new home ready to move into. What started out as a simple . . . “oh it just needs new carpet!” . . . turned into a mini-remodeling project. I had a very optimistic time frame for completing everything, with my dad’s help of course, in just one week before I went back to work, but it just wasn’t possible because one little idea turned into a day or two of work each time. So, my move in will be next weekend and I hope I can get the house unpacked to a manageable level quickly so Charlie and I can stay there sooner.

IMG_8754

happiness. unfiltered.

 

Despite the house chaos, I was able to spend a nice afternoon today with my mini at a local splash park with my group of single parents. Charlie had a blast and was being so sweet. He has a huge personality and watching him grow up is truly my life’s greatest privilege. And in speaking with other single parents today, it also helped give me perspective – that I’ve come so very far in the past year.

It’s all so bittersweet.

This is not at all what I wanted. But, I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got.

Speak Your Mind

*

%d bloggers like this: