meltdown

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.  ~Joe Walsh

Today was just one of those days.

It was headed downhill from the very moment my alarm went off and nothing could have saved this day from crashing and burning.

Let me take you along in my crazy path of destruction:

I went to bed last night thinking today would be a snow day. That was a bad move. Because, when my alarm went off, I had no intention of actually getting out of bed, as I had, “work at home” on the brain. Also when the alarm went off, I realized how horrible my throat felt, how I couldn’t breath out of my nose, and realized I have yet another cold trying to bring me down (count: 4 in 5 months, seriously).

Getting out of bed was not going to be an easy task.

I grabbed my BB and went through my email, then called the snow line. It said the office was open, though an optional day and use discretion coming in. You don’t want to be the only one on your team to take said optional day, so major bummer on no snow day. Or work from home. Just then I heard from a coworker via text who was already headed into the office and wondered what I was up to. So, I decided I really needed to get up and head in, too. So I got out of bed, shot off an email to my group to say I was running late, and sure enough, another coworker responded and said she was already in and to let her know if I needed anything. Ugh.

At lunch, I had a dentist appointment. I had to get a cavity filled. I arrived and the receptionist said my insurance was being rejected. I spent 20 minutes on the phone with said insurance sorting it out. Finally get back to my appointment and am hoping for a quick, no novocaine, fill. Dentist gets a few drills in and I can’t hack it, so she numbs me up. While waiting to numb me up, she’s looking around my mouth and sees I have another filling that’s “peeling” off. Apparently I clench my teeth. I’m not a grinder, I clench. So, she said she’s just going to put another layer on it for me to fix it. I’m thinking . . . nice. A short while later, I’m all fixed up, and I have her look at a spot on my gums that’s been hurting for a few weeks. Apparently, my gum is clefting? and it’s something that might never heal and I may need to go see a gum specialist. Awesome. She says let’s give it 6 weeks and see if it heals, then check on it. Okay, good compromise. So, I go to pay my bill and I end up getting charged for the “complimentary” touch up she performed on my other filling and I’m on my way back to work. Yay.

Back at work, I’m tired, numb, and just chowed down on a Taco Bell meal deal and feel like crap. Work is busy, yet can’t seem to get anything done because some emergency or another keeps popping up. It’s then I realize I haven’t heard from T in over a day and wonder what gives??

My crabby mood deepens.

Everyone around me is in a crabby mood, too, and we’re all just sitting around bitching and moaning and it’s not doing an ounce of good for anyone.

A couple hours later, the work day is wrapping up finally, and I start getting emails from my ex about taxes. I haven’t had to deal with him in months upon months and having to see his name in my email box, read his familiar dictating tones, and have to read news I don’t want to hear and it’s really the last straw in my day.

Just then April calls, we have a quick chat about the latest with T (nothing, obviously), I groan about my ex and tax issues, and a few moments later I realize a familiar voice was all I needed to hear and suddenly the flood gates opened and I’m sitting in my cube balling. I get off the phone to compose myself, and a coworker is walking down the aisle to leave for the day and sees my red face. Thankfully, she just went through her own nasty (much much much much nastier) divorce and was really the only coworker I could have run into at that very moment without feeling like a total moron. But, having her sit down with me, give me a hug and share kind words and I’m blubbering again how I don’t even know why life is worth living if this is the only crap I’m ever going to deal with day over day.

[Side note: my blubbering was happening well after 5 PM and no one else was left in my area. Thank God.]

So, since then, I’ve come home, cried some more, vented some more, ate some ice cream, re-did my taxes, and now I’ve taken Nyquil and am going to knock myself out for the night.

Some days things just get really overwhelming and it all boils over. Days like today . . . I’m just utterly drained physically, mentally and emotionally. The weight of the world seems so great and I feel so disconnected and alone. I know we all have these days, but boy, do I hate them so much.

Anyway. Tomorrow is a new day. And I know it’s got to be better than this one :).

Comments

  1. *Hugs* Alison. We ALL have days like that once in a while and sometime you just need to cry and let it all out. We’re only human. Hope tomorrow (today?) is FANTASTIC for you!

  2. That sucks dude! I hope you’re having a much better day today!

  3. I really hope the rest of the week and weekend goes better and that you feel better too! As my dad would say “Hit a homer today!” He was a wise dude so just think that when you feel down! Always helps me. I am here whenever you need me. I have to drive to Littleton tomorrow if’n you wanna meet for lunch or something maybe. Love you!!!

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