Mother’s Day! My second!

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Mother’s Day 2014

Hard to believe a year ago was my first Mother’s Day and it was spent snuggling my little mini-me in the NICU.  I feel bad I didn’t get to celebrate my own mom last year because I had tunnel vision for being at Charlie’s bedside.

This year was much different.

I have to hand it to S, despite all of our differences and struggles in the past year, he always makes it a point to sing my praises as a mother. He’s not my husband and didn’t have to acknowledge me in any way today, but he still went out of his way to ensure I was celebrated. He came over early with flowers, chocolate, a scheduled massage appointment for me this week, and nice cards telling me how lucky Charlie is. He shoveled the snow off the sidewalks for me and then treated me to breakfast. (Where we overheard a family that looked identical to ours with a baby boy the same age as Charlie at the next table over discussing selling their home and separating. Ironic.)

Now, I won’t lie.

When I originally read S’s Hallmark sentiments about Charlie being so lucky . . . the thought of, “but, yet, I’m still not good enough to be your wife . . . ” flashed through my mind. Usually once that thought enters my mind I just get really angry and it’s a downward spiral that S is on the receiving end of.

Today? Today it was a flash and just that. I reminded myself it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if he wants me as a wife or not, because I also have a choice in my life and get to decide what I want, too. And I’ve made the personal choice to move on and that I want something else as well. When I can put things back into the context of something I can control, there is no room for anger or blame on anyone else. And it allows me to sit back and admit that I’m happy with the friendly co-parenting relationship we can share and the direction my life is going.

So, I stopped the inner voices telling me I should fight an old fight of the past with S, and I decided to just be grateful for what I have in the present: I have a beautiful baby boy whom I love with ALL of my heart. And I have a supportive co-parent who wants to acknowledge me on a day like today. (Just two of the many things and people I have to be thankful about.)

S dropped Charlie and me back off at home after breakfast, and I was able to get in a nice nap while Charlie snoozed, too. Then, early afternoon I got to celebrate with my own awesome mom and my dad treated us to a nice late lunch. (Where Charlie refused to eat anything except cake.)

Overall, it was a lovely day and I’m wrapping it up feeling full of love. I might be a single mom, but there is nothing singular in the way I have to raise Charlie and for that I am ever so thankful.

(And, I mean, yeah, Charlie is pretty lucky to have me, I can’t deny that, haha, but he’s even luckier to have my mom as his Gran.)

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three generations. no mistaking we’re all related!

And a photo from today that just makes me laugh . . . Charlie chases Tate, then wrestles him. He loves him so much! Tate is a great sport, too.

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Tate’s seen better days.

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