off to a great start

2011, thus far, has been really amazing. Granted only 10 days in, but I can’t help but sit here and smile and just feel incredibly happy and content.

I’ve spent a lot of time this month relaxing and regrouping after the insane holiday party circuit and social events. I contemplated the reasons I had been feeling so blue over the holidays and decided to just shake it all off. And I don’t want to make a lot of specific resolutions, I simply want to strive to lead a content life, for now and years to come, whatever content may may look like for me. But, my goal is to be happy, feel completely confident in my own skin, and I want to feel good about all my relationships with people in general.

I suppose my smiles and hope for the year to come may also be slightly related to the fact I met a boy last week. I was introduced through April and Jeremy, and I’ve seen him twice this past week (once at dinner with J&A and then we went tubing at Keystone Saturday, again the 4 of us, which was a total blast, BTW). We have another date set, just the two of us, for Wednesday night – good ‘ol dinner and a movie. I couldn’t feel any better about it!

While I have no expectations and I refuse to get ahead of myself, I am just so ecstatic to have a real crush, hopefully have it reciprocated, and to feel something again. (More importantly, to know I’m in a place to be ready, to feel something.)  I’ve spent over a year and a half wondering if I will ever be able to have emotions again or if I was just dead inside and ruined from my prior relationship. I’ll even admit . . . a point over Christmas I began questioning . . . had I done everything in my power to save my marriage? Could I have tried harder? Was it my fault? But, of course that was all the holiday desperation talking. No, of course, I know I couldn’t have saved my marriage, sadly it was a relationship with an expiration date and that is that. Now I’m rooted back in reality and no longer berating myself. (To quote one of my favorite songs of all time: I’m not sorry I met you, I’m not sorry it’s over, I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save.) I’m not sorry, I’m really not.

So, who knows where 2011 will take me and what adventures are in the pipeline, but I’m just really happy to already kick off the year and to just feel good about things. About everything. I’m even pumped to start cleaning and decluttering my apartment. I am preparing to move at the end of February, just two doors down around the corner, so I need to start cleaning up and purging things so I can downsize 200 square feet less and also make moving easy since I only have 3 days to get the transition complete.

And that’s how 2011 has kicked off for me, my only hope for the year is that this happy momentum will be a sign of things to come this year.

Comments

  1. You need to get on Gchat so we catch up! I wanna hear about everything! Miss you!

Speak Your Mind

*

%d bloggers like this: