all the things.

It’s been a while. Life has been a never ending string of daily chaos and . . . stuff. Work stuff. Mom stuff. House stuff. Mom stuff. Social stuff. Repeat.

As it goes.

Since I’ve last dropped by here . . .

I turned 35.

Ouch.

And the holidays flew by.

Like, FLEW by.

We said good bye to 2015, hello 2016.

And already Spring is slowly starting to show in the air.

So much and so little has happened in the past several months.

I feel like I finally have this single working mom thing down – like, old news, down.

I am not perfect. Far from perfect. I run late most days . . . I lose my keys, or my phone, then my keys again, along with sometimes my sanity and a matching shoe. I always envy Charlie and how he has no stress or urgency in the world. He strolls around, pointing out everything in his path asking, “What’s that?!? What’s THAT?!?” 101 times, while I try so hard to be patient and encourage his learning and curiosity, but on the inside I’m hollering, “That’s still a LEAF!!!! LET”S GOOOOO! WE’RE SO SO LATE!”

Some mornings I say to heck with the clock, though, and we’ll find ourselves curled up in his glider reading a book five times in a row just because he asked. It’s those mornings he is the sweetest at school drop-off, when I’ll get an extra hug and a smile before I leave him to his day. Though he’ll never, ever wave good bye to me or acknowledge I’m leaving (he’ll wave to anyone, but me), instead, as soon as I’m out of sight his teacher tells me he’ll point to the door and say, “Mama.”

Life is hectic and exhausting, but we’re happy.

No major change is on the horizon this year, just business as usual, and I couldn’t be more relieved about that. When things quiet down, I tend to get sentimental. So, I just installed Time Hop on my phone. It was a risky move – there’s no telling what sorts of memories are going to pop up, but I figured it’d be a good test of how far I’ve far come. So far, so good. It’s mostly filled with baby photos from last year that tug at my heart strings . . . bump photos from two years ago that remind me how hard and lonely it was for me to be pregnant . . . and every now and again a slew of photos from some night out on the town, that involved one too many martinis, 5-6 years ago and it feels like 701 lifetimes ago. It was.

Right now my focus is on finding the right balance in my life . . .  wearing so many hats can be a confusing juggling act  at times . . .  being a mother, having a career, maintaining a social life, and trying to be single and date . . . all these roles on any given day do not compliment, rather naturally contradict, one another. Some days, I walk around and can’t shake the feeling of a constant pull, a dull and aching ever present guilt that I am always forgetting something important, and wishing for just a handful of extra minutes in the day. Handfuls of days pass quickly, sometimes without notice, and it scares me how fleeting time is.

It’s in those moments I hold Charlie a little tighter, a little longer, and stare at his face and little fingers and toes a little harder, soaking it all in, trying to memorize everything about every phase. It still amazes me how my love for him continues to grow every day. Just when I think I can’t love him anymore . . . I do. And just when I think I can’t have one more early morning, that getting out of bed and immediately tending to a little person sounds like the very last appealing thing on Earth, he started calling, “Mama, Mama?” from his crib. Best start ever to my day. (As opposed to those mornings when he wakes up saying, “Oh nooo. Oh no!”, which always means we’re in for a ride.)

Next month Charlie turns 2. That seems like a huge milestone, because that’s the age I’ll stop referring to him in months. When people ask how old my son is . . . it’ll no longer be, “Oh my 15 month old!” or “He’s 19 months!” It will simply be,

“He’s 2.”

So, that’s my little update on all the things . . . a little drive by since I’ve been incredibly neglectful of my space here. But, of course, spring is coming, and with it, so many things and I’ll have a lot more to talk about. Soon.

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