pearl of wisdom

I received another quote of the day from my mom this morning I found very touching:

“A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.” ~Stephan Hoeller

It also came in quite a timely manner, as I learned tonight that as of yesterday, I now officially exist in the singular form in the eyes of the law. Of course this news is not surprising, nor a shock by any means, but there is still quite a somberness that comes with the finality of it all. I can’t quite think about it too deep or too much or I start to feel a panic rising inside of me. I guess on the bright side though, my divorce is like a wound, but from this, I will demand more from life, and from myself, and if I am lucky, I will come out the other end, shining, like a pearl.
Since I’m on the divorce topic itself, it’s funny, because practically everyone I know has commented lately how well I am doing and how well I’ve been handling this all and how I seem like I’m doing just fine. Since I have always been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, I guess it probably is surprising to most that I am still able to smile and laugh and get up in the mornings. The other day, when I had heard the observation one too many times, I actually got a little upset and started to wonder if something was wrong with me? Am I not properly dealing with my emotions or with the gravity of the situation? Is it unusual that I am doing ok? Should I be more visibly upset? Because, on the inside, I can tell you I am upset. Very upset. Yet, to me, to try and constantly convey that externally, I would exhaust people and I would exhaust myself. It’s easiest to just swallow it down and make a conscious choice to move on with life. And to do so happily. Do I have any other choice?
As silly as this next part is going to come across, I actually got reassurance with how I am handling things from the TV show Grey’s Anatomy. The season premier was dealing with grief, granted the grief of losing a loved one, but a divorce is not too far off. Some of the lines I found really comforting, were: “Grief looks different on everyone.” . . . and . . . “Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
For me, those lines reassured me in some weird way. Not everyone moves through the stages of grief a sobbing mess or an angry mess. For me, I will most likely arrive at the last stop of grief that is acceptance, by being a laughing mess. Laughter, truly, is the best medicine.
And just real quick before I shut my rambling self up for the night, again while I’m on the actual subject itself, I just want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, all of my dear family and friends who have stood by me the past several months. It’s been a whirlwind and I suppose even I, myself, am truly surprised at how well I am handling it all ;). I attribute the majority of that to the amazing support system I have. Not a second has gone by during any of this where I haven’t had someone right at my side to remind me I can get through this, to remind me why I did this. Or someone to just listen. Or someone to take my mind off things entirely. It means a lot. A LOT!
With all that said . . . I’m going to call it a night :).

Comments

  1. I’m not sure who wrote this originally, but I thought you might appreciate it: “When the archer shoots for no prize, he has all his skills.” My take: by caring about results you’ll get in your own way. With that being said, it’s easy to be eager about overcoming something, and sometimes we tend to rush it. Could this have something to do with how well you are doing in the eyes of others? Maybe by acting the part, you strive to be the part – which there’s nothing wrong with that. But, in striving for an end point you may get caught up in the moment of the hows and whys. Seems like you already have it figured out, but I thought you might appreciate another perspective on it. 🙂

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