the d bomb

I went out on a first date with the first eHarm victim, we’ll refer to him as D, last night. He was running early, and I was running late, so I felt a little bad, but I guess it doesn’t hurt for a guy to wait around a little while. We met at a “fun plex” type place with mini-golf, arcades, etc. I’ve actually been there on an online date before, a year ago, to go bowling. Why it is that I get these guys who can’t just meet for a simple drink or coffee, I don’t know. (Well, I guess I do know . . . it must be all the “I’m fun and random! I like to be spontaneous and I’m happy-go-lucky!” that I use to sell myself in my profile.)

Anyway . . . so, when I arrived I called D to see where he was and he came and met me at the door. He was all smiles, looked mostly like the pictures posted online, albeit a little shorter than perhaps advertised (they always are). We sat down and shared a quick plate of nachos and had a drink, he was easy to talk to and had a decent sense of humor. When we finished, we played a quick round of mini-golf, skeeball and air hockey. Once the games had lost their novelty, we sat down for a glass of water before heading out. I’m thinking I should have just jet after the games, though, because I could have done without the conversation that ensued over the ice water.

Conversation drifted to the topics of relationships, dating, etc. We covered the obligatory questions . . .  “why are you online? what has been your experience?”. Somehow he ended up mentioning he is in no hurry to find the one, wants to take his time getting to know someone because, and I quote, “I don’t want to end up like all those divorced people.”

All those divorced people. Right. And . . . how is it that we end up exactly?

I let the comment slide. I wasn’t about to discuss the topic of divorce, so I smiled and nodded. Before I could change the subject, he blurted, “How long was your longest term relationship?”

Oh boy. Here we go.

I was like, “Ohhhh, perhaps 8 or 9 years, I guess.”

You could see the shock on his face and then he followed up with, “Wow, that’s a long time. And you weren’t on and off? And you never got to the point of marriage?”

Great. D’s going to force me to drop the D bomb on date one. That NEVER goes over well. But, I couldn’t lie, so . . . “Oh, well, we were married for 6 of those years.”

Then, it registered the thing he had just said about being divorced and he immediately apologized. I said it was fine, he had no way of knowing. I wasn’t going to say anything more about any of it, it’s not the time or the place to discuss something so personal when you don’t know someone, but he did ask several more questions about why we broke up. I kept it to a VERY simplistic answer of: “We didn’t want the same things in life. I wanted kids and he did not.”

The whole truth of my relationship with my ex-husband is way too complex or scary for even people who know me. I’ve learned to keep it very high level. VERY high level.

We chatted a little bit more and then it was time to end the date. I said I had a nice time, was happy to have met him, and would talk to him soon. No mention of date #2, though there really never is, and now I’m just going to put it out of my mind and carry on and see what happens.

I’m not sure what I think quite yet . . . he was attractive, he has his stuff together – good job, owns a home, etc. – but I’m on the fence how compatible we’d truly be, but I think I’m saying that based on pretty superficial things and I would like to opportunity to get to know him better before I wrote him off entirely. For example, he doesn’t text message, he doesn’t believe in Facebook, and he seems fairly conservative as far as his lifestyle goes. Which may not fit into my “party party” life right now, but I’m also not looking for a party-goer, I’m looking for someone who would be a good partner, a good father, someone to grow old with. Things like texting and social networking don’t really factor in to that big picture.

In the meantime . . . I’m creating blog fodder. Yay.

Comments

  1. OMG WOW! I would have loved to see both of your facial expressions during that exchange. How awkward! I guess ou can only gauge computability on paper to a certain extent and then personality really comes into play. I hope the next date goes better!

  2. I’m impressed you’re not completely writing him off after that comment. I think it’s a valid comment, the gist of it anyway, but he went about it ALL wrong. He could have said simply, I don’t want to get divorced. But then really, who goes into a marriage WANTING to get a divorce. Good luck with your next date! I love living vicariously through you!

  3. Next time you’re asked why you left your marriage, tell him your ex wouldn’t accept your belly dancing on the conference room table.

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